What to do with negative feedback!

Hello! Yup, it’s me again! Continuing on from last weeks message:

I think by now you know how passionate I am about you being in charge of YOU. The fact is, other people affect us, and you affect others. You walk into a room of 100 people and get 100 different perceptions of who they think you are (without much information). 

Since we are all wired for connection and belonging we naturally want people to like us. We also know, not everyone will. Just like you will connect with some, but not others. 

To maintain peace within, you must be ok with who you are. We are not perfect. I believe the goal is to not have everyone like you. The goal is to show up as you really are, love who you are and trust that whoever is in your life right now is supposed to be and wants to be. 

My personal example from last week's inSight showed up so I could evaluate this. 

I was invited to a party a while back and some guy told a best friend of mine he wasn’t sure if I was a good friend to her. I had made a comment about her that he thought was rude of me. 

On hearing about this I went through a few things:

1. Who was this person and does he know me?

2. Did I hurt my friend?

3. Was there truth in what I had said?

Here’s what I did (condensed version because your time is valuable):

1. Acknowledged I didn’t remember saying it (at a party and not totally sober). But it sounded like something I’d say for sure, so I owned it.

2. Don’t know the guy who gave the feedback to my girlfriend so I had to let go of what he thinks about me (ego) and focused on what my friend was feeling. 

3. We discussed it openly and she acknowledged that what I said was the truth. We laughed it off, knowing how I must have said it (probably sarcastic knowing how I get). She knows my heart and that I am kind so she didn’t take it personally (thank god for enlightened friends). 

4. I reassured how much she means to me, that I find her extremely intelligent and thanked her for coming straight to me and talking it through. 

So here’s the lesson. People are watching and listening and judging everything we say/do. We don’t have time to make everyone know everything about us. This guy took my approach to honesty as rude. I get it. I own that sometimes I can be direct and lack tact. I can be dry and sarcastic and not everyone ‘gets me.’ But my heart is big and I love and support anyone who needs it.

Does it suck this guy saw me as something different? You bet. But I know who I am and I had to be OK with knowing someone out there thinks I’m rude. I’ll never please everyone all the time. And that’s OK. Plus, secret for you - this isn't the first time I've been talked to about my 'honesty.' Haha shocking! 

But it did remind me to take a look at who I am, how I’m showing up and who I want to be. I will never go around people pleasing, but I will be more aware of how I say things (at least for a little while) haha. 

So, thank you ‘guy’ for reminding me that I accept myself without needing to defend myself. I own my parts, learn as I go and have reaffirmed the people who do matter to me. These are the people in my circle who care enough to ask me questions, have important uncomfortable conversations at times and grow together. I’m so grateful my great friend shared this with me and we could talk it out. 

C’est la vie! 

Feel free to share your story with me! It feels good to make mistakes and then be kind to yourself anyway. How else are we going to learn anything??

All my love,

Kristi Hiller 💕

Life Coach & Mentor