It begins with you, and then the relationship
Whether you’re in an intimate relationship or not, this applies to all humans. We either get better where we’re at or we’re getting ready to be ready!
Years ago while I was studying, I thought a good title of a book could be, “It begins with me, then you, and then the relationship.” Funny this title has never left me.
We come together with our own individual beliefs and values. Our past and upbringing is what creates these combined with previous life experiences and hence we have a story.
We are all unique and imperfect and yet we come together and believe things will just work out. We will find ‘the one’ who will see us and love us and we’ll be ok and accepted, once and for all. Haha. Isn’t that humorous?
From my experience, I believe we need certain skills to have successful relationships, as our parents and caregivers only provided us with one example of relating. How the heck are we supposed to know how to create the most fulfilling relationship when we were rarely allowed to feel, express our emotions, understand our emotions and work as a team?
You want to know your triggers? Get into a relationship. Haha
The first step IMO (in my opinion) is accepting and loving yourself for who you truly are. This is where the healing is. Only once you know and show the real you, will you allow another to step into your space with trust and acceptance without conditions. It’s in this place that deep intimate love truly occurs.
To know and love yourself allows you to show up fully without the fear of losing yourself to external circumstances. At the core, we are all love. It’s only once you take off the masks and armor, that true authentic love can begin.
We all bring old baggage with us. Until it’s looked at and cleared, you may not even realize some of the things holding you back.
The way out - is through. It takes willingness and courage to clean it up. Here’s a few more things I believe it takes:
Self awareness and acceptance - which means you first without any criticism.
Clarity of what’s important to you (values) and confidence to ask for what you need.
Vulnerability - a desire to be honest, first with yourself and then another. A desire to learn and grow together. Creating a safe container so that authentic connection occurs and a new way of relating can be developed.
Roadblocks that can get in the way:
Old beliefs that don’t serve (he/she never… All the good ones are taken...)
Not knowing what you want/need
Old hurts from the past haven’t been healed so the current partner ‘pays the price’
You don’t love your life
Trust issues
Lack of skills in relationship/communication
Not open to releasing expectations
Fear - being who you truly are might cause someone to leave. (But what if it makes them love you even more)?
I’m here to tell you that deep intimacy exists. And it’s delicious. But as always, it begins with you.
Are you willing to put yourself first, get clear, ask for what you want, be vulnerable and show up fully?
Then may you be and receive the kind of love you’ve always dreamed about. 💗
Loving you,
Kristi 🤩
Life Coach & Mentor
