Boundaries vs Acceptance
When someone has hurt you, or they do something that really bugs you, do you set a boundary, or do you just accept them? Here’s my take:
A boundary is a rule or guideline for how someone is to behave towards you and a response by you when that rule isn’t adhered to.
Acceptance is allowing another to show up just as they are. There may be things you don’t love about them but you accept them without trying to change them. Their good is so good you’re able to overlook their flaws. SIDE NOTE: (where you decide to focus is what you’ll notice the most - so be kind and keep your attention on what you love about your peeps). 😊
Looking at my life, I realize I actually haven’t had to create too many boundaries. They are there, but I think I do more of ‘teaching people how to treat me’ and not needing to create an actual boundary. But I remember 2 powerful examples very specifically... (see video below).
I tend to practice acceptance much more. Personally, I find setting a boundary a bit controlling. But absolutely necessary if required. How do you know?
I find boundaries like a ‘call for help.’ You actually need someone else to make a change in order for the relationship to continue. So it's pretty serious. And so is your life, and how your people treat you!
BEWARE - Some people will respect your boundaries while some may not. You have to be potentially willing to lose something. They are a step beyond a ‘red flag.’ They are a deal breaker at this point so it requires a discussion where the specific behaviour is addressed.
Silly example: you’re a non-smoker and you learn your new date is a smoker. Now would be the time to mention you aren't interested in dating a smoker long term, so if they were thinking of quitting, now might be a great time, if they want to see you again. If not, let them go, no problem. Or maybe you just don’t want them smoking around you - you decide the boundary you can live with and they get to decide whether to agree to it or not.
Personally, I don’t like putting rules on people. I try not to have any for anyone. You know - live and let live. Don’t get me wrong - I know what I will and won’t accept. I just do it quietly without letting them know and decide within myself if I want them to be a part of my life. I challenge you to try it sometime - it’s so freeing!!
When you know the game you love to play, it’s easy to figure out who you want at your table 💫
If you are having a tough time setting a boundary or accepting someone or something, contact me and I’ll help you out.
And if you're curious about my 2 deeply personal examples, click on the video link below!
https://youtu.be/riDGoGtRLME
All my love,
Kristi 💜
