How to communicate in a challenging situation

We all have some sort of challenge going on. Life is full of them! My question is, what are you doing about it? A nice light question. Haha

No matter what challenge you find yourself in, it’s there for a reason. Ultimately to take you further, to learn a lesson or to grow into someone more.

Maybe it’s not a massive, obvious challenge, but a niggling thing that creeps into your mind. The small things, if left untreated can become the big problems later on. 

Regardless of the topic, it can be handled the same way. Choose just one thing and own it. Own your part. Even if it’s just 5%. If we aren’t accountable, we are just blaming and there’s no power there.

Personal Example:

I’ve made some of my family members feel unimportant, or not listened to. 

First, I had to validate their feelings. Right or wrong, my opinion doesn’t matter. People feel how they feel. Then I had to understand how that could possibly have happened. They are the world to me - of course they matter. I’m thankful they could be honest with me as we clearly had to repair something. 

It’s not about me changing so they can feel better. Of course we had to unravel all of that. But in these sometimes uncomfortable conversations we leave a little lighter and learn something about ourselves and each other. 

There are times I get super focused, super passionate and just say whatever I think. And because I show up unapologetically, I’ve learned that some people can take offense to that. I can hurt others feelings and that’s never my intention. But if we don’t know, we don’t grow! ;)

It’s hard sometimes to put ourselves in another’s shoes when we’ve never been in them. I think it’s easier to just hear someone out and try to understand why and how we have contributed and what (if anything) we can do to help. Oftentimes we just see things differently.

No matter what we do or say, others may take you in a way that you did not intend and (vice-versa). But the beauty of talking it out actually creates a deeper connection. So don’t be scared to call someone out if they’ve hurt you, or to talk about something that is bothering you. Without the truth we’re all living a made up version of ourselves.

Whether someone has come to you with an issue or you go to them - you decide the action you will take. Here’s a couple options. I’ve done both.

If you feel good and can be kind with words and comfortable with confrontation, dive in. No preparation needed. If not, you will need time - to understand the real issue, own your part and know the outcome you desire. 

If someone blasts you with not so pretty feedback, you can clarify their issue with you and ask for some time to come back to the conversation once you’ve given it some thought. Whoever hit you with it obviously had time to get the courage to let you know, so you also get to take some time to think it over. 

If you need to let someone know what’s going on for you, I suggest letting them know the topic and scheduling a time to discuss. Or blast them and let me know how that turns out. 😱

Example:

Hey so-and-so. I’ve really been thinking about what you said the other day. I’ve had some time to reflect and I want to give you that time also. Could we discuss it this week? Figure out an agreed upon date and time. Then follow through. No sweeping it under the rug! It’ll just come back… 

When you communicate, do it with love. Isn’t that why there’s an issue in the first place? When someone you love isn’t feeling it, or you aren’t loving, there’s a lack and no one wants that. We all want to heal. With love, we can prevent defensiveness and walls going up further.

I believe we all want connection. And when something is off with someone you care about, you know inside it’s time to talk about it. Rehearse it through your mind, and get clear on what it really is. The truth can be tough, but all problems have solutions. You are smart and will be able to figure this out. 

Coming from this place - with love, clarity and a desired outcome, both parties can move forward and become more connected than before. You’ll also gain confidence in having hard conversations and it’ll become easier for future ones. With practice, we become better. And if you’re new to hard conversations, tell them that. Explain your real truth. I promise, your real truth - spoken with love, will offend no one. 

You are awesome, but not perfect - and that my friend -  is what makes us all the same. 💚

P.S. I have found there can be a fine line between setting a boundary and acceptance. I'll cover this crazy dichotomy next week.

Much love,

K