Hello there!
I’ve recently noticed through some experiences, that I have a mean streak. This is not how most people (including myself) would describe me. (She’s been hidden for a while I guess). It got me thinking, what is wrong with me?
So, I think back throughout my life, and here’s what came to me. Here’s what we're told:
You’re too loud (or too quiet)
You’re awesome (you’re too much)
You’re so wise (you say stupid shit)
You’re not that pretty (you should be a model)
Be a good girl/boy (what exactly is a bad girl/boy anyway)?
We loved (we lost)
All this mixed messaging! And life is full of contrast. With age comes wisdom of knowing ourselves better and it never ends.
So I’ve got some angry residue due to some of my life experiences and I’m human. I’ve done a lot of inner work and I love who I am.
Not everyone will (or has) accepted me, and that makes me cry at times. But not everyone rejects me either.
I’m not a mean person, but I can act mean. Hello shadow. But we have to accept all of our parts. It’s not an excuse, it’s a starting point. You’ve heard me say, we all have work to do. Why? Because when we are more loving, life is better. Anger (fear) is the opposite of love, and surely didn’t get me what I wanted. Our negative traits show us where we’re hurt. And I know I’m not alone.
Where do your hurts show up? Do you shut down, yell, drink, numb out, act out?
So now, I rephrase the question. It’s not what’s wrong with me.
The question is, why is this showing up now? Because I’m ready. Or else it wouldn’t be showing up. More evolution.
What to do? Accept my part. Atone for my errors. Dig under it and find the truth.
The answer? Well you’re going to have to wait until next Saturday to find out! Plus, I need a little more time to put this new inSight into practice! Haha.
Remember, it takes a village to raise a child, and I think for the most part we are all sometimes still like little kids dressed up in adult clothing. My village continues to change. It’s not only up to me. My life is affected by others choices also. And that’s what hurts sometimes. But whether or not I’m chosen by another, I always have to choose me.
All my love,
K 💛
