Darling,
You’ve got to admit - all emotional hurt comes from your past.
The future has no pain since it doesn’t even exist yet, unless you are worried about the future and that’s just made up nonsense. You are safe reading this right now in the present. That’s why to really heal you have to go back.
Not for long, but healing will allow you to move forward with anticipation without bringing yesterday’s pain to a future experience. Without healing, the pain doesn’t just go away. And that’s hard.
Today's problems are direct indicators of past unhealed hurt. And this process never ends so you might as well get good at looking back, healing, and acting better.
Believe it or not, looking at it is easier than looking away from it. And opening up about it (truth) feels a lot better than keeping it in. Scary at first, I’ll give you that. But it's freeing to finally stand up for yourself and start taking your life in the direction you desire.
Give it a try and see what happens. You can’t change the past anyway so it’s really just what you are thinking about it, that will cause a feeling.
Here’s the key to this though. You need today’s present experiences to allow the ‘trigger’ to come up, so that you know where to look in the past for the healing to occur.
My personal example:
A previous relationship was a rollercoaster. I experienced many chances to feel abandoned and it was not a safe container. Exciting though, I’ll give him that. Enter, new guy. Fantastic connection until one particular weekend, not as much. So it brought up all of my previous hurts from the last guy. My trigger - lack of connection.
My truth was wow, this affected me. A) I must like him B) I’m scared.
It took me most of one night to understand this. I journaled, I cried. For the hurt I allowed myself to endure from the last guy. The fear that here I might go again. And then reminded myself that I know what I want, and it won’t be a rollercoaster again. I’ll decide. New guy gets to want what he wants, and same with me. May not be a match. No problem.
The hardest part? I then had to talk to him about it. No blaming him. He did nothing wrong. I finally felt pure gratitude that I got to heal something in myself from my past. Plus, in my promise to myself to be open, vulnerable and not put up walls, I got to practice sharing my heart. My truth. Was it comfortable? No. But it will become more comfortable, the more I do it. Practice right?
Once you get good at this, you become more curious and not so attached to the past or what happened to you. It’s not so personal.
As you create your future, it’s also not so personal because you understand that everyone is just trying to get what they want. And no one wants a person, they want a feeling.
Cheer yourself on, and cheer others on. We all want what we want. And that’s OK.
This path is not for the weak. Give yourself credit for wanting to learn, grow and evolve. You’ve got what it takes. 👏
All my love,
K 💛
