What you need to know about stress

Well hello,

As I watch and listen to people and learn about some of the struggles out there, it got me curious about stress and burnout and what it actually is. So, of course I searched my spotify for podcasts, and Brene Brown popped up, so I listened. She interviews authors Emily & Amelia Nagoski (sisters). Link is below if you want the full version, which I absolutely suggest you do!

Here’s my small version of the conversation with their strategies on how to complete a stress response cycle. I didn’t even know we have a stress cycle!! So interesting. I hope you think so too and begin applying this. You may already do some of this, as I do, but there’s even more tools you can use, as I realized, and maybe you’ll even be able to help someone in need. 

There is stress and then there are stressors. The stressors are the ‘thing(s)’ that causes the stress. We can sometimes get rid of some of the stressors in our lives, but many we can’t. Either way, getting rid of them doesn’t fix the emotions that the stress causes. Apparently we get caught in the tunnel of the emotion and rarely get out, which is why the stress doesn’t go away and sickness or bad things ensue or get worse (over time). 

We often cover up our real emotions or we take them out on others. We can do this with either the fight, flight or freeze responses. 

What you are to do is turn toward the difficult emotion with kindness to yourself. Trust your body to do what it needs (fight, flight, freeze), and then do one or more of the following:

WAYS TO COMPLETE THE STRESS RESPONSE CYCLE: (get out of the tunnel)

1. Physical activity - can release the chemical stress from your body.

2. Breathing - slow in and even slower out (just a couple minutes down regulates the nervous system).

3. Positive social interaction - this is about connection. This tells your body it’s safe.

4. Laughter - not fake laughter. Has to be real ridiculous belly laughter.

5. Affection - a warm hug (20 seconds) in a safe/trusting context. This can do as much to help your body feel like it’s escaped a threat as jogging a couple miles! 

6. A good old cry - may not solve the problem or eliminate the stressor, but it will complete the cycle. Pay attention to the actual crying (amount of tears, snot, sound) - not the thoughts about the cause of the stress. Can be done in 5 minutes. Don’t be scared you won’t stop. Let it out. 

7. Creative self expression - take what’s inside you and turn it into something (dance, knit, art). Or use your imagination.

You have to learn to listen to your body. It tells you. It talks to you, but you have to listen. 

This way you don’t have to fix all the stressors (which aren’t in our control most times anyway).

IF you don’t do these things, you will burn out. This turns ‘self care’ into needing to ‘care about each other.’ Everyone in the house needs to realize the importance of valuing all of our well being.

It can take time, but you will feel better. It’s not about never having stress and only having peace all of the time. Stress isn’t the problem, it’s the strategies we need to learn, to move from the physiological reactions our bodies have to the stressors. 

"To be well, is not to live in a state of perpetual safety and calm, but to move fluidly from a state of adventure, risk, adversity or excitement back to safety and calm and out again. Stress is not bad for you. Being stuck is bad for you.
- Emily & Amelia Nagoski

Interesting hey? 

Emily & Amelia https://open.spotify.com/episode/6L48OhNvYeIlv7Tir3yij0?si=Ct-msgF4SYKuDwQbI4LXAg

I hope you are well. Please look after you and your precious people. 

All my love,

Kristi Hiller 💕
Life Coach & Mentor