What to do when you’re triggered

Dec 2

Written By Kristi Hiller

Hey there!

The thing about learning and growing is it can take time to apply it properly without being uncomfortable or defensive. Add on a little too much booze and the skills you thought you had begin to dissipate quickly. Maybe this has just happened to me, but I don’t think so. 😜

One tell-tale sign of knowing that you’ve been triggered is that you become defensive, mean or shut down. What I’ve noticed is that when my emotions are high, my intelligence is low. So what to do?

When in good times, discuss or create conflict resolution plans. This is so important. If you don’t have a plan in place you go with your emotions, which can often cause more conflict. (This is why in school we learned to create fire escape plans at our house, in case of a fire).
When in conflict - activate your pre-defined conflict plan. Duh.
It takes ~ 20 mins to 1 hour for the adrenaline caused by fight, flight or freeze to get out of our system. GET AWAY FROM THE SCENE. Go to another room, go for a walk, a drive. Create some space.
What will you do in the time apart? I use deep breathing, meditation or a talk with myself. If I’m still confused and frustrated I talk it out with my sister or a trusted friend. I ask them to hold the space for me so I can sort out what’s going on. Doing these things allows me to get my executive brain functions back online. Then I can talk and not react.
Non-violent communication skills are required upon the next conversation. Otherwise you’ll both get right back to defensive strategies and you’ll be back to fight, flight or freeze.

In step 4, you have to be very conscious of your thoughts. This is time for self soothing, not partner bashing.

To help in effective communication, here’s a link from a past inSight I wrote on resolving conflict. I also have to remind myself of this. And, sometimes, it really is best to sleep on it.

Good luck. Don't be scared of conflicts. Conflicts are necessary in learning what we need to know and how we can be better to ourselves and each other. I also find it can create a deeper closeness once we've resolved the issue.

https://www.everythingbeginswithin.com/blog/a-communication-tool-to-resolve-conflict

All my love,
K 💛

conflict and triggershow to handle triggersconflicts in relationshipcommunication toolconflict tool

Kristi Hiller

I am an energetic gal who is captivated by the human condition. I believe in exploring all life experiences to learn and grow. Throughout my 20+ years of studying and learning to love and accept myself - no matter what, I have come to realize that there is no ‘right’ path or way to experience life, other than head on, with accountability, a sense of humor and lightness, and a knowing that only I can create my own reality. And this is true for everyone. You create your own reality. Let me help you get to yours!

http://www.everythingbeginswithin.com

What to do when you’re triggered

When in good times, discuss or create conflict resolution plans. This is so important. If you don’t have a plan in place you go with your emotions, which can often cause more conflict. (This is why in school we learned to create fire escape plans at our house, in case of a fire).

When in conflict - activate your pre-defined conflict plan. Duh.

It takes ~ 20 mins to 1 hour for the adrenaline caused by fight, flight or freeze to get out of our system. GET AWAY FROM THE SCENE. Go to another room, go for a walk, a drive. Create some space.

Non-violent communication skills are required upon the next conversation. Otherwise you’ll both get right back to defensive strategies and you’ll be back to fight, flight or freeze.

MEN - you matter, and are needed ♡

What to do when you’re triggered

When in good times, discuss or create conflict resolution plans. This is so important. If you don’t have a plan in place you go with your emotions, which can often cause more conflict. (This is why in school we learned to create fire escape plans at our house, in case of a fire).

When in conflict - activate your pre-defined conflict plan. Duh.

It takes ~ 20 mins to 1 hour for the adrenaline caused by fight, flight or freeze to get out of our system. GET AWAY FROM THE SCENE. Go to another room, go for a walk, a drive. Create some space.

Non-violent communication skills are required upon the next conversation. Otherwise you’ll both get right back to defensive strategies and you’ll be back to fight, flight or freeze.

Boundaries, requests and control

Some ways to live in love

MEN - you matter, and are needed ♡