The 5 Love Languages: How to love and be loved better

Well hello!

I can’t tell you how many men I’ve helped understand this love language thing. And it’s so important, I thought I better share it with you too!

(If you are currently single, still do this so you can learn your language! A great thing about knowing yourself better is that you’ll be easier to date! And when you go on a date you’ll intrigue someone with such a fun topic to chat about).

Here’s the thing - in romantic relationships, it’s not “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It is this - give them what they need, that makes them feel most loved. Why should you? Because you say you love them. This is what love does. And this of course is just my opinion.

Also, when you feel that someone is criticizing you, it’s typically because they have a deep emotional need. This ‘bid for connection’ is not always asked for in a calm, sweet manner either. I know I've gotten this wrong, and I’d bet you have also.

I read this book eons ago, and I still use it to this day. Not only do I use it, I refer to it, I ask people questions about it and teach any guy I’m with about it! Now of course - it’s not for everyone. It’s only for those who want to love better and be loved better by their partner.

There are 5 ways people feel the most loved (according to Gary Chapman). I’m sure you could add to this list or redefine it, but I’m not interested in recreating the wheel today. This works and is pretty simple.

The 5 Love Languages:

1. Physical touch

2. Quality time

3. Acts of Service

4. Gifts

5. Words of affirmation

The key to providing a partner with the care and love they need, is by giving to them the language in which they require it. We tend to give love the way we’d like to receive it, but in romantic relationships, this isn’t what works (unless you both have the same love language).

IF YOU ARE A MAN: She needs you - to give her - what SHE needs, and she needs to give you what YOU need.

IF YOU ARE A WOMAN: He needs you - to give him - what HE needs, and he needs to give you what YOU need.
(This works in all couple dynamics, not just heterosexual ones, fyi).

It may very well be uncomfortable at first, but all things can be changed if you are willing. Who isn’t willing to love or be loved better? It’s not like anyone is asking you to change your personality or values here. I see this as an easy exercise. If you are opposed to not giving someone what they need, it might be time for you to take a closer look at what’s going on there for you.

If you’ve been stuck in a habit of not doing this, here’s what it’ll take:

Take this easy 1 minute quiz to find out what your love language is. Get your partner to do the same. You don’t have to do this together, but have some fun with this and get to know each other better. Plus, your person might have changed since the last time you’ve checked in with them. Haha. (Have you checked in with them lately)?

Understand each of your languages. Start doing for them what they need and experience what it’s like to feel loved the way that matters to you.

Try it for a week and see what happens.

https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

I could go on forever about this topic. But I won’t. Have a wonderful day my friend!

All my love,
K 💛