Thank you, next

Darling friend,

Continuing right along from last week's inSight. If you’re not in this particular situation right now, don’t worry, one day you might be, so be aware of what could happen.

YOU choose your own adventure! If you chose:

1. Close your heart, shut down, blame the other, thank you, next.

First off, great job for making a choice! (Making no decision is called staying stuck and that simply sucks).

I understand you want to protect yourself. When you are hurt by someone it’s only natural to want to run away and not deal with it. Runaway Bride used to be my favorite movie!

After a while, once you’ve numbed the pain through other distractions while thinking about all the things wrong with your person, time heals a bit of the initial hurt. Your habits of daily rituals and plans of your future together go by, and you get back to baseline. The cloud lifts and you feel ready to make out again.

(Men typically jump into bed with someone new sooner than women which I find humorous and weird). When I’m hurting from someone I miss, the last thing I want to do is be with someone else. But hey, no shame. I just don’t think it makes them feel better in the long run).

Here’s the downside to this choice. We are wired for connection. So after a while you WILL meet someone again and all the same things happen. Dopamine kicks in combined with a variety of other ‘feel good’ hormone drugs and you’re back! It’s exciting to meet someone new. Love songs have a new meaning, you’re excited for date nights and a new body to explore. Yada yada.

Fast forward 6 months to a year and you might just end up at the same place. Conflict. Things are not as fun. Fear. Lack of _____. You begin questioning your decisions. How did I get here - again?

Not only will your SAME shit come up - there will be the stuff from the last relationship, added to it. So ya, the older we get and the more experiences we’ve had, the more shit. Ah shit! Here we go again.

The only thing I can recommend (without getting into your personal details) to get out of this cycle is to find out if there is any commonality to your previous relationships that is showing up again today.

• Are there any similar complaints from previous lovers?

• Have you been accountable for where you blew it in the past?

• What are your beliefs about love?

• What did you learn about yourself and what are you working on to be a better partner?

• How do you show up in love? Are you authentic? Is your heart open? Can you share feelings and be vulnerable?

It’s okay that things don’t work out. There are many reasons they don’t. But if you have ended a relationship, please take some time to look at what happened. Own your part, leave with love and gratitude for the experience, don’t beat up on yourself or the other,and don’t get into something new without truly learning from it.

Once you make sense of your experience, and learn more about yourself you’ll understand who might be a better fit for your precious heart the next go round.

Then you can make better decisions as you move forward with happy anticipation and a better attitude about love. You can try to convince yourself you don’t need it, but I know deep down, you want love, just like the rest of us. ❤️

You might need some support with this process. If you do, I’m here. The love in me sees the love in you. 🤗

All my love,
K 💛