Stay in a mediocre and dissatisfying partnership

Hello again!

Here we are with another choice in your relational adventure! I hope you realize there is no right or wrong. There is cause and effect, however. And by mediocre I don’t mean average. There is nothing wrong with average. I mean, experiencing less than you desire.

2.   Stay in a mediocre and dissatisfying partnership.

If you chose this option, great! This is your body's way of conserving energy. In response to a threat, it’s a natural tendency to freeze (or fight or flee). Here you don’t do anything, so ultimately, nothing changes. And, here’s the warning - it can get worse.

Maybe it’s not so bad. You're doing OK. Definitely not struggling. What happened to good enough? Isn’t that enough? But something feels off.

The idea of leaving is kind of scary. So is the idea of changing. Heading out to the woods forever seems nice. Where to even begin?

Typically this is where you might take the stance that it isn’t you, it’s them. If they would just ______, then things would be better.

You can get caught up in the ‘power struggle’ and even though you both know how you could show up better, neither of you do. You wait for the other to start. Once they do better, then you will too. But who starts? No one. You have a stalemate. And that’s what you’ve got. A stale mate. That’s what you are too.

Here’s the downside, and what can happen in this scenario:

• Become bitter, resentful

• Lose a sense of aliveness

• Wonder if you’ve settled

• Think you may have chosen the wrong person

• Wonder, how did it get like this? It used to be so ______.

• Focus on what’s wrong with your person and it becomes difficult to see what’s good about them

• Disengage - turn away from them and move towards other things to distract yourself

• Indulge in an affair (physical or emotional)

• Blame them and feel disempowered

No matter where you go or what you do, there’s a consistent niggling sensation that says hey, it’s not good. Unfortunately, until you make the time to really look at it, it won’t go away. What you resist, persists.

What first needs to happen is some inner reflection. You’re not shocked are you? Haha.

What needs are not being met? Have you communicated this to your partner? Are you making time for just the two of you? What have you stopped giving? What have you made more important than each other? What habits are contributing to the distance between you? Are you criticizing or complaining? When’s the last time you appreciated each other?

I think it’s important to like each other. Maybe it’s time to get to know each other better. Ask some interesting questions. Try something new together to stimulate your feel good hormones.

Decide if you even want a better relationship and ask your partner if they’d like that too? Then get to work. Get some support and/or get learning. There are no tigers coming to get you. You are safe.

“We have to be willing to change on the level of cause in order to have a change on the level of effect.” Course in Miracles.

All my love,

K 💛