Get curious to why this experience is happening

Well hello again!

We are finally at the last option in a crossroads situation. For now, this choice is less about what you do about the relationship. It’s more about you personally. Whether you decide to stay or go, I believe this step happens continually throughout your life anyway (if you are a growth mindset kind of person).

If your partner isn’t willing or able to walk with you through the strife of learning to love ourselves and each other better, don’t worry, someone will. For now, think of it as an individual assignment for your own psyche.

3.   Get curious to why this person (experience) is in your life and expand your personal awareness and opportunity for growth.

You don’t have to grow. Staying the same isn’t all bad. It’s much easier (in the short term).

You can turn away from love instead of face it. And I get it. This love stuff can be hard. But the more work I do, the clearer I see how much we disempower ourselves. How often we give our power away and expect another person to give us what we don’t quite know how to give ourselves.

We must witness the barriers that are standing in the way to receive what it is we yearn for. It’s no one’s job but your own. Time can heal all things, but what you do with that time really matters. There’s a lot to living a life well lived. And your definition might just match up nicely with someone else’s. But define it. That’s a great first step to moving towards it.

Part of it is knowing what you won’t live without. And the other part is looking at those needs and asking yourself how you’re going about trying to get them met. I experience this and see many clients struggle with the same issues. Round and round a couple goes. Same issue, little to no relief. What’s really going on here?

Some questions you can ask yourself:

• What’s your issue in this relationship? (Not what they are doing) No blaming!

• What are you doing to contribute to the mess?

• What are you doing to make things better?

• What have you done (or haven’t done) to help make your partner feel like they matter?

• Knowing yourself as well as you do, what makes it hard to be with you?

• Do you know the top 3 traits you need in a partner that matter the most to you?

• Terry Real (therapist) says to ask yourself: Am I getting enough in this relationship to make grieving what I'm not getting worth my while?

• Mark Groves suggests: Could someone else love them better?

• What triggers you? Your complaints about what you aren’t getting will uncover a need in you that you probably didn’t get from your childhood. Could you get some of these needs met somewhere else? (No cheating though!) Have you shared your triggers with your partner and explained this to them? The thing about triggers isn’t so much where you got them - they’re yours now. How will you heal them is the better question.

All of us are a little broken. But no one is broken beyond repair. Love creates resilience. People are flawed and beautiful.

If you’ve made the mistake of trying to get someone to give you what you need, they will take that as a criticism and it might just prevent you from actually getting it. You definitely need to (kindly) let them know what you would like though. Sometimes people don’t have in them what you might be needing. And this is good information. Being mad at them for not giving it to you is crazy making. Let people be who they are. That doesn’t always mean you stay. This makes you more aware so that you can make a better choice for yourself in the next go round.

You are good enough. You just might not be good for them. They are good enough. They just might not be good for you.

And I might change my mind about all of this one day. Haha. I'll definitely be adding to it as I gain more skills and experience. Time will definitely tell.

A big hug to you if you are at this crossroads. Make sure you get some support. It makes it much more bearable when you can at least let your other people love you.

All my love,
K 💛