Hey there amazing friend!
What if you fixed an issue just to see if you could vs to get a result? Do you like this question? I sure do. I also like results, but first we experiment.
Here’s an issue I had recently, so I journaled to sort it out, as I often do:
I feel emotional today. Why? I don’t know. I have no plans with my bf this week, which isn’t really an issue because I know I’ll see him. He’s always good with that. My gf asked me for dinner but I don’t feel like doing that, which is odd. I love having dinner with her and her kiddos. Ok, back to my bf. Maybe I’m mad at him for not making plans for us yet (it’s already Tuesday after all). He probably doesn’t care about me. Why am I even with him? (Here come the stories I’m telling myself). Do I like him more than he likes me??? So what if I do? Why does that bother me so much? And why am I so emotional?? Am I not happy? Not happy with him?
Deep dive to journal:
Sweet Kristi girl,
What is happening for you? I’m sad. How come? I don’t know. Yes, you do. Maybe I’m just sensitive? Yes, you are. Maybe I’ve put too much emphasis on romantic love and it’s just disappointing. Ya maybe. Maybe you’re not quite sure who to be, and by finally being yourself you’re uncontained, kind of crazy, emotional and scared. I’m not sure this guy is good for me. Is he the cause? Or is there other stuff in you coming up to heal? How could I not have known it to be there? What’s inside of you will come out. It’s ok. Maybe you don’t need to know why. Just feel it and let it up and out. Your brain doesn’t have to make logical sense of it. But don’t thoughts cause my emotion? Well you told yourself he doesn’t care about you. Since you care about him that would make you sad, because you think he said this. But you made it all up. You just felt sad today, that’s it. The brain wants to reason everything. We want you to just allow everything. The more you’re aware, the better equipped you’ll be to make better decisions. You know how to hold your heart when you’re sad. Did you forget? Yes, I didn’t think I should feel sad. I have no reason - other than no plans with bf. And I have felt great with him lately. And honestly, even if he wanted to hang out tonight, I don’t really feel like it. Just like with gf. I think when I’m sad I become needy. And I can’t stand needy. So instead I just got mean. Clearly I don’t think I’ll get my needs met. What needs?Affection, being held, not having to show up perfect. Maybe you could just show up sad? Or maybe I could just deal with this myself. Stay away from everyone until I feel better.
My mom sent me a picture of my Dad and I this morning, saying it was one of her favorites. He’s been gone for almost 4 years now. And today I really miss him and I felt sad. So I cried. And I know tomorrow I will feel better.
And I did.
Don’t even ask me who the voice in blue was. I’m not totally sure, but I believe it’s that small still voice within that always wants to help. You have that voice too.
“Cheers to being human.” For not always knowing what our problems/emotions are, or what to do about them.
All my love,
K 💛
