How do you deal with anger?

I’m trying to think about what makes me angry. Or rather, how I handle it. And how I ‘should’ handle it.

When I think about my anger, it’s rare and it’s typically in a romantic relationship that I’m triggered (I know my biggest life lessons are in this arena).

I can be annoyed (especially when tired) with others, but that’s not anger. That’s more me needing rest and is clearly a ‘me’ issue. In that case I try to keep my tone in check and may have to apologize later when I realize I was a bit bitchy.

That’s probably a good thing to do once in a while - figure out what makes you bitchy. And then share and teach others about you. I know my sister and I know that when I’m hungover and tired or really sick from a cold/flu, it’s not a great time to chat. I’m more blunt, have less patience and my tone is definitely not as ‘light,’ for example.

Back to anger. I found out there are 3 kinds. Passive aggressive, open aggressive, assertive. Basically, we are ‘supposed’ to be assertive. The other 2 are just ways of not coping with the real issue and I believe end up in some pretty good resentments down the line.

Here’s my take on how to deal with it. Be honest with yourself about how you are feeling.

I’m pissed off that ‘this happened.’ I don’t like when our plans fall through. Although I’m a very understanding person and can go with the flow, it takes time to get back to that person once I’m mad. I like things to go my way and when they don’t, I want to act like a child, and lash out at you and hurt you (even though I don’t). I can doubt your feelings for me when ‘this happens’ (which feels shitty) because for some reason I think if you loved me as you say you do, you’d never hurt me. Since I’m hurt, I want to blame you, yet I know you had a really good reason and I shouldn’t be mad, but I am and don’t want to pretend I’m fine or take this out on you later.

Well - I guess this is why love can be hard. And of course, I don’t think I’ve ever hurt anyone. Ha! Have you ever felt like this? I think it’s so hard because we can’t control people. And if we could, would we even really want them?

Anyway, I was angry and it inspired me to write this to you. What do you do when you’re mad?

Hey, thanks for listening. I actually feel much better already.

So next time you are angry, do what I just did, and write me a little letter. We can let off steam together once in a while. 😊

PS. If I blasted him with my ‘truth,’ I imagine things would get much worse than better. So use caution when sharing your truth with someone you love. Because of course, what we give we usually get back.

Thanks again Kristi!

All my best love,

Kristi Hiller 💕
Life Coach & Mentor