Hello beloved!
Change is hard. We need so much compassion and patience for the process. Think about something you’ve wanted to change about yourself. How hard has it been?
It’s just as hard for the people around you. Let that sink in.
Realizing this hopefully helps take the sting out, if you expected change to happen immediately, or why it has taken so long.
Should there be some progress? Yes. Two steps forward, one step back will move the needle in time.
Great relationships should be looked at only in the long term. I imagine if this dance played out, it could be a hell of a relationship in 20 years! But if it’s only one foot forward and one back then it’s a cycle that has to end. And it will. Things need to move forward to survive.
If there is someone in your life, who is working on changing, please extend the olive branch of compassion and patience. And turn your focus to what you can control, which is your change. We all have work to do to enjoy the best of what life has to offer.
Yes, you can make new pathways in your brain, which is to create a new habit, but it isn’t always easy. And the brain loves easy.
Think of change like moving from a comfortable worn pathway to rugged terrain. To make a new pathway, you’ve got to get your boots on, pull out an axe and chainsaw and build a new path! You can see then how easy it would be to just take the old familiar and easy path.
This is why support and positive feedback is so helpful. When you see your person trying - even if just a little bit, give them a whole lot of praise. This keeps them working at it. It makes it feel more worthwhile for them. Then they will have some positive momentum.
But if your person (particularly the one you're trying to change for) gets agitated and frustrated that you’re still on the old path, and there is no credit for your small changes, you’ll want to give up.
This is a good time to remind you that you probably won’t change for another person. You really have to want to change as you see how it could benefit you. People can definitely inspire us. But real change happens only when you decide, not when someone tells you to.
Cheers to change! 🍻
K 💛
